Building habits that stick takes more than willpower, knowledge, and 21 days, despite a catchy but misunderstood adage.
Willpower doesn’t always show up. And knowledge doesn’t always equal action, much less transformation.
So what does work to build and sustain healthy habits, even during a busy season?
Let’s take a look at some of the research.
Automaticity in Building Habits that Stick
In one study, 96 volunteers chose an eating, drinking, or activity behavior to carry out daily in the same context (for example, upon waking) for 12 weeks. The goal was to see how long it took for the habit to become automatic. In most cases, it took longer than the “it takes 21 days to build a habit” adage that you’ve likely heard.
The time it took to reach automaticity ranged from 18-254 days.
Interestingly, “(m)issing one opportunity to perform the behaviour did not materially affect the habit formation process.”
So what does that mean? In short, small habits done consistently add up to measurable change because the behavior becomes automatic over time. But while you shouldn’t expect the change to occur overnight (or in 21 days), your behavior doesn’t have to be perfect.
The takeaway? If you miss one day, get back to it the next.
So what’s a behavior that you do consistently, on most days? How does that impact your health and well-being? And what’s a behavior you consider healthy that you’d be willing to act on daily, in order to make it automatic?
Habit Stacking: The Tiny Habits Way
B.J. Fogg, director of the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University, developed the Tiny Habits methodology. The idea is to scale back the change so that it’s small and you’re bound to succeed from the start.
And it features a recipe for building habits:
First, find an anchor. Choose a reliable, existing habit you already do daily. Then, define a tiny behavior, something taking less than 30 seconds. And, add an instant celebration to create a feel-good moment and wire it in.
An example for someone wanting to better hydrate: When I start brewing my morning coffee (anchor), I will drink a glass of water (behavior) and then do a little dance in my kitchen (celebration).
Another example, for someone hoping for better dental hygiene: After I wash my face (anchor), I will floss one tooth and high-five myself in the mirror.
What’s a habit you’ve been thinking you “should” develop? How could you break it down into the smallest action you could imagine, and tie it to something else you do repeatedly? When you act on that tiny habit, how will you celebrate?
What are Micro Habits?
Micro habits also are tiny actions, and they can happen without any preparation, planning or pressure – especially when nothing else seems to be working. These doable, meaningful and flexible activities can change your trajectory over time. Think of an airplane altering course just one degree. Over time, that can add up to a distinctive difference in destination.
So what are some examples of micro habits?
Walking 15 minutes a day, which can increase life expectancy by up to three years.
For those who drink alcohol, reducing consumption by one drink per day could equate to losing 10 pounds per year. For example, drinking one light beer (about 100 calories) each day, for 365 days, would equal drinking 36,500 calories a year. And possibly adding more than 10 pounds of body fat.
Micro changes in calorie consumption (forgoing sweetened coffee drinks or other processed foods for those with fewer ingredients) can add up to significant weight loss over time.
Standing up from a sedentary job and walking around for five minutes each hour can boost energy and mood, improve cognitive health, and reduce food cravings.
Sometimes we want or need to make big changes to our health. But that can lead to all-or-nothing thinking, require a lot of energy and effort, and lead to disappointment unless broken down into manageable pieces. If we flounder in following through, we can wind up frustrated and overwhelmed.
What Works Better than Willpower
Willpower often doesn’t work. It depletes over time, varies daily, and is affected by personal needs. Hungry? Tired? Stressed? Bored? Your willpower is more likely to lag then.
And when willpower disappears, we tend to blame ourselves rather than the conditions that got us here.
What works instead?
Gentle self-compassion. Yes, really.
It replaces harsh self-criticism with kindness, recognizes imperfection as normal, and fosters a more supportive inner voice, allowing you to stay curious about what’s happening and learn from any setbacks.
Through mindful self-awareness and the practice of self-kindness, we can take small, realistic steps to build sustainable change. It reduces the “should do” and “ought to do” thoughts that prove to be self-defeating and keep us stuck.
Self-compassion creates a safe space for growth.
Kristin Neff, a psychologist and author, says self-compassion is about doing a U-turn and offering yourself the same compassion you would offer a friend. If this concept feels difficult, try some practices that help you be with yourself in a healthy and supportive way.
“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly about what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken,” Neff writes in her book, “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.”
In Summary
Changing habits is do-able. And habit stacking, micro habits, and self-compassion are methods to creating change.
Small steps lead to big impact, even in a busy season.
What small step could you start with today?
If you need help establishing healthy habits that stick, you may benefit from working with a coach. Amy Hoogervorst helps sandwich-generation women carve out space for meaningful self-care, so they can keep prioritizing who and what matters most. Subscribe to the Well Check newsletter below to learn more!