Being Aware – and Taking Care – of Our Own Needs

The sun was setting on a full day, from a conference that had filled my mind yet prevented me from getting in my usual morning exercise, to a lengthy appointment and numerous conversations that all together had worn me down.

As I began my drive home, I noticed my irritation when my cell phone buzzed three more times to announce incoming texts and another phone call. I started to replay the conversations and activity of the day as I turned my car west.

Full stop.

The brilliant orange, yellow, and purple sunset exploded across the whole sky ahead of me.

Filled with awe, I wanted to stop the car and take a photo. I didn’t, but I became so distracted by the streaks of color that I probably should’ve parked simply so I could take it all in without endangering myself or other motorists.

But I continued driving, hoping that every traffic light would turn red so I could study and soak in this gift more fully. And as the orange sky continued to shift in color and intensity, so did my awareness of what else was going on inside of me.

The Core Question for Being Aware of My Needs

What’s here, right now?

Silently in the car, I began to ask myself that question.

The sunset reset my awareness and shifted my thinking. And instead of ruminating about my day, I began focusing on the present moment.

The vibrant colors of the sky and the traffic around me became central. I became aware of how drained I felt inside, and I noticed that I was hungry. When I thought about going straight home and immediately interacting with more people and figuring out dinner plans, though, I felt even more drained.

Those realizations led me to my second core question.

The Core Question for Taking Care of My Needs

What do I need, in this moment?

I was headed home to people who cared about me, and I needed something to eat, so my hungry wouldn’t turn into hangry.

But was food what I needed in this moment? Was being around other people what I needed?

Those answers could have been yes, of course, right away, why not.

But I sat with the question and my unsettled feelings a bit longer, in silence, as I finished my drive. By the time I arrived home, I knew my answer. Yes, I needed food, but not in the next 15 minutes. And yes, I wanted and needed to be with those who were waiting for me.

But not in the next 15 minutes.

What I needed most right then was to decompress.

So I parked my car in my own driveway, locked my belongings inside, and – still in business attire including boots with a 3″ heel – walked down the sidewalk. Around the block I strode, working off some anxiety, appreciating the cooler fall breeze, listening to the birds and surrounding noises, and watching the last of the sunset.

And when I walked through the door 15 minutes later, most of my irritation and edge was gone.

Asking Yourself the Core Questions

I share this story not because your answers and path need to be the same as mine. I share it so perhaps you will ask the core questions of yourself – or come up with something similar that works for you.

When we’re stressed and overwhelmed, one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is pausing for a few extra moments to ask:

What’s here, right now?

And then,

What do I need, in this moment?

Many of us are much more comfortable with asking what others need from us, and then delivering it. But if we are to do that well, to care for who and what’s important to us over the long haul, we also must ask it of ourselves. How can you use these core questions in your life?

Hi, I’m Amy, an integrative health coach offering grace and space for a healthier you. If you like to stay connected, I invite you to subscribe to my weekly Well Check. It includes links and information that might be useful on your path to optimal health and well-being. Please CLICK HERE to subscribe to it and my other email updates.